Microwave, A History

Microwaves were discovered in the 12th century A.D. by Lord Henrik Byzantinhead. He had been galloping across the Norwegian countryside when his horse toppled against an oddly shaped cube stone. Lord Byzantinhead dismounted and observed the strange phenomenon. He was astounded to find that the cube had a swinging portion that open and closed, revealing a tiny spacious interior. He loaded his discovery among his other parcels and brought it to the king.

During his presentation to the king, Lord Byzantinhead referred to the strange object as a "microwave," for he had named it after his horse, "Microwava."

The microwave was held in the court of the Norwegian King for many decades; it was used to store his most precious documents until 1178, when the handle was poisoned and the king dropped dead upon touching it.

Three months later, another microwave was found in the mountainous terrain of Bavaria. Over the next couple centuries, at least 45 more were discovered.

It wasn't until the pinnacle of the Dark Ages in circa 1330 that the use of the microwave was realized, in which case a peasant had the idea to plug its cord into an outlet and toss in a piece of raw mutton. When the microwave lit up and 4 and a half minutes later, the raw mutton emerged, well-done and bubbling with gravy, the peasant was burned at the stake for witchcraft.

After this incident, the holders of microwaves were forced to go underground, as microwaves were banned by the Church. Anyone suspected of illegal microwave usage was to be hanged until dead, or drowned until drowned.

During the English Renaissance, Queen Elizabeth banned the Catholic church and liberated microwave usage. For the first time in almost 300 years, people of all classes were allowed to heat their mutton and lamb chops in microwave ovens.

We have come a long way in microwave usage, since Lord Byzantinhead's discovery, the nameless peasant's death, and the re-institution during the Renaissance. During the 20th century, organic microwaves were replicated by the grace of technology, and have been made available to the masses.

I would encourage each and every one of you to appreciate the long plight of the microwave oven, next time you heat your Easy Mac. Hug the electrical-wavy-apparatus close to your breast, stroke its numberish buttons, and whisper something affectionate.

Some may say that microwave oven cause cancer, but I would say that it is your fear and ignorance that gives you cancer, in which case, you deserve to die.

Thank you for your time.